I have never been able to tell anyone the story I am telling you now. I cannot trust anybody. I never leave the house, but if I have to I will do so during school hours. I don’t want to be threatened when my kids are by my side. I was hurt by people once, and now I cannot trust them.

Being a woman makes me feel trapped. I can’t work and can’t do a lot of things I want to. The events that occurred in my homeland are now happening in Egypt all over again. I feel as if it will be worse this time around, so I want to be resettled. I wish to go to the United States to continue my education—perhaps get a Master’s degree. I have so much energy, but do not know how to use it. I cannot find myself in this community.

I want to settle down. I am not comfortable. I want to make a place like home, to buy things I cannot. I want to decorate my apartment to feel like a home, but I can’t because I may leave it anytime. I want to wake up in the morning and go to work and come back. I want normal days, like everyone else. The most important thing is to live in a place where I feel secure so I can call it home. I wish to trust and love people again. I cannot replace this feeling with anything else.

I wish the U.S. government will help the Iraqis, especially because they are responsible for us leaving our home. I specialized in television, because I want to help document Iraqi suffering. I feel very sad when I see American movies presenting us as retarded people, as if they need to come rescue us. But they came here to invade us. My big hope is somebody like you will give my story to somebody in charge. We are suffering in every meaning of the word. They are so rude here, torturing us. I stood for a whole month outside the UNHCR during Ramadan, fasting, for an interview appointment. Nobody answers me. Not just me, but all Iraqis. They are presenting us as terrorists, but came and invaded.

The purpose of me studying Media is to go to the U.S. and get a chance to let everyone know this is not the real Islam. We have no nuclear weapons. I feel like we are deceived by the politicians. I feel like Americans believe their politicians. If you come to our country, we have to at least defend ourselves. You defend yourself, your home, your family. My kids have no future here. At least if the United States took away our future, let them give a future for our kids. I want them to live in a country with security, study whatever they want, and excel.

If my life were a book, the title would be  “The Lost Future.”