The Effects of Forced Displacement on Iraqi Married Couples
Over 2 million Iraqi citizens have been forced to flee their homeland over the past ten years due to the political turmoil and economic instability that has unfolded in Iraq as a result of the American-led invasion of Iraq. The Iraqi refugee population is the third largest in the world, and around 150,000 of these Iraqi refugees have been forced to flee to Egypt at some point in the last decade. This forced displacement has had a profound impact on the lives of these refugees. It has greatly disrupted their sense of physical and financial security, their national and religious identity, their physical and mental wellbeing, and their overall sense of hope.

In addition, the process of displacement has substantially impacted Iraqi refugees’ relationships with their immediate and extended family members. The family is profoundly important in Iraqi society. Zeena, a 50-year old Iraqi refugee woman living in Nasr City, emphasized the importance of the role of the family in Iraqi culture. Zeena passionately expressed, “In Iraq, your community is your family! Family is big and strong in Iraq, and it always surrounds you.” She continued, “Egyptian families are not like this!” According to Zeena, families are more independent and live further apart in Egypt than in Iraq. When asked why Egyptian families may differ from those in Iraq, Zeena stated, “Probably because Cairo is a very big city, and everyone is always busy. Baghdad is much smaller than Cairo, and is much easier to navigate from one place to another.” Zeena’s viewpoint represents the overall consensus amongst the Iraqi refugees we interviewed on the variation of the role of family in Iraq, in comparison to the role of family in Egypt. Moreover, her revelations highlight how Iraqis experience a loss of community upon displacement.

Iraqi refugees’ relationships with their extended and immediate family members have been severely disrupted as a result of displacement. They are often forced to leave their families behind when they migrate, and many refugees have not seen their families since they left. Due to strict restrictions in Egypt, Iraqi family members are granted limited to no access to travel visas. If relatives wish to meet, they often must do so in a third country. As a result, family meetings are limited to those refugees who can afford to travel. Many Iraqi refugees are forced to maintain communication with their family members through email and by telephone.

Khaled, a 50-year old Iraqi refugee who left Iraq in 2003, expressed his personal struggles to communicate with his family in Iraq. Khaled stated, “The last time I saw my mother was in Jordan three years ago. My mother could not get a visa to enter Egypt, due to restrictions set by the Egyptian government. Since it was too dangerous for me to return to Iraq, we had to meet in Jordan.” Khaled maintains contact with his family primarily through Internet sources such as Skype and Viber. When asked if he is able to call his family frequently by phone, Khaled replied no, and exclaimed, “The price to call by the landline was extremely expensive.”

The process of being uprooted and rerouted to a new land has not only forced Iraqi refugees to leave behind their extended families, but this process has also caused new conflicts to arise within their immediate families in their countries of asylum. Numerous conflicts have arisen between Iraqi husbands and wives, who are not only forced to deal with the stresses from fleeing Iraq, but also the conflicts and responsibilities that emerge from starting life in a new country.

Protection vs. Control
Many Iraqi couples in Egypt are experiencing a crisis in their marriage. Displacement has led many married Iraqi couples to question their security and their social status in Egypt. In addition, the recent political unrest that has unfolded in Egyptian society following the Arab Spring in 2011 exacerbated this sense of instability. Some Iraqi men have begun to take much more controlling measures over their families in efforts to protect them. Iraqi women we talked with revealed that their husbands have begun to implement more rules in their households. Specifically, they have begun to dictate their wives’ actions and whereabouts.

Maisa, a 35-year old Iraqi refugee, expressed, “We are not comfortable in Egypt! We are looking for inner peace. We especially do not like Egypt after the revolution! There are no rules in Egypt now. In 2006, my friends and family would walk around alone until 1 a.m. Now, I am afraid to go to the grocery store without my husband. I don’t have freedom…”

Maisa’s husband Daoud agreed with her assertions, “There have been a lot of robberies in this area.” Consequently, Daoud is not comfortable with his wife going out alone and does not allow it. Daoud and other Iraqi men in Egypt, have taken over their spouses’ lives in an effort to protect them. Moreover, Maisa’s revelations about not wanting to go to the grocery store alone reveal her subconscious fear of going out without her husband.

Husam and Shaza live in Nasr City and are currently waiting to be resettled. Shaza stated that she can only leave her house if she is with her husband, because her husband does not feel safe when she goes out alone. Shaza also revealed in a joking manner that her husband gets very jealous when she goes out without him. She feels more comfortable going out with him than alone. Husam stated, “I am very worried about her safety when she is not with me due to the political chaos that is currently unfolding in Egypt. I also worry that Egyptian men will harass my wife if she goes out alone.” Husam did reveal that he would feel comfortable allowing his wife to go out alone if they lived in Iraq, a country where he is very familiar with the surroundings.

Nisreen, a 37 year old Iraqi woman, also revealed that her husband stripped her personal freedom once they were forced to flee to Egypt. Her husband has taken control over her life out of his anger and frustration in regards to resettlement, rather than solely as method to protect her. Nisreen stated, “I am not allowed to go out on my own. I am not allowed to leave Sixth of October, because according to my husband, there is no security! My marriage has changed since we have moved from Iraq to Egypt.  We fight a lot since we have been separated from friends and family. There is a lot of tension. There is tension between my husband and I because we are not settled down. My husband has changed a lot. He used to control his anger; now, he cannot. He is angry most of the time. I believe that he blames me. I carry responsibly for the house. Most men in Arab countries blame the women. Most men feel like they have control and power. They don’t like to be blamed for anything! Even if they make a mistake.” He uses his ability to control her as a mechanism to maintain power over some aspect of his life, since he has lost the ability to do so in many other ways. Still, she was grateful for him sharing the burden of raising their children and felt committed to the relationship.

Warda is a middle aged Iraqi woman, who along with her husband and three children is waiting to be resettled. During our interview, Warda revealed that her husband is unemployed and struggling to find work. Thus her husband spends the vast majority of his time at home now that they live in Egypt. This vast increase of time together, along with the frustration of lack of opportunity in Egypt, has caused Warda’s husband to become much more negative and depressed. She has noticed a major negative change in his personality. Moreover, they frequently engage in small arguments.  Warda stated, “My husband often criticizes and nags me about the quality of the work I do around the house. He always says that I can do better.” Although Warda recounted this situation in a joking tone, her frustrations with this situation could be heard loud and clear.

Thus Warda’s revelation, similar to that of Maisa, highlight’s how Iraqi men are becoming more controlling as a mechanism to maintain power over some aspect of their life, since they have lost the power to control many other areas of their lives. It also highlights the crucial fact that the vast majority of Iraqi men and women in Egypt are unemployed. Since Iraqi men are widely unemployed in Egypt and are not able to participate in a wide array of daily social activities, they are doing nothing similar to their old life.

Establishing a Family
In addition to Iraqi men becoming more authoritative in Egypt, displacement is also threatening the notion that marriage is associated with settling down and establishing a family. Due to poor economic and political stability in Egypt, many married couples desire to be resettled in America or a European country. Firas, a middle aged Iraqi man, stated “The situation in Iraq makes me scared. It is only getting worse. Egypt reminds me of Iraq.  The Muslim brotherhood is in power; it is leading to the same controlling Islam that dived Iraq. I want to be resettled to a Western country because I want a government ruled by rules, not a location with no law. I want a country ruled by law, not by religion, color, or nationality.”

Due to the fact the resettlement is already a complex process, married couples do not want to further complicate it by having a child in Egypt.  Having a child would prolong their resettlement period, because they would have to add their child to their paperwork. Consequently, Iraqi married couples are waiting until they are resettled to have children. They want to be resettled quickly. Despite the fact that they have made this decision together, the desire to have a child has caused tension to arise between Iraqi couples.

Due to the fact that they want to be resettled quickly, Shaza and Husam have agreed to wait until their resettlement process is complete to start a family. When Husam was not in the room, Shaza revealed to me that she is very frustrated that she has to wait to have a child. She revealed that she has waited her whole life to get married and have a child, and that she is devastated that she has to wait until they are resettled, which she said could take from a year to ten years. She frequently cries herself to sleep at night due to her frustration and sadness about having to wait. She also takes her frustrations out on Husam, by engaging in small arguments with him. This is a common coping mechanism that she uses. Fortunately, rather than getting mad, Husam just listens to Shaza, and comforts her while she is arguing with him. Shaza revealed that Husam always calms her down and argues that he wants this child just as much as she does. Despite conflicts that have arisen as a result of this issue, Shaza stated that she and her husband have become much stronger as a couple.

Abandonment
According to many of the Iraqi families we talked with, the process of displacement has led to a substantial break down of cultural expectations of married women and men. Many Iraqi husbands have begun to suffer a great sense of loss, because Iraqis are not allowed to work in Egypt. Moreover, Iraqis receive little to no financial aid. Iraqi men and women are forced to rely on financial support allocated to them from their extended family in Iraq. In addition, Iraqi men and women are forced to find jobs in the informal sector if they want to earn money, jobs that do not pay much and are way below the level of prestige that many Iraqi men are accustomed to.

Some men leave their families in Egypt and migrate to surrounding countries or back to Iraq, in effort to find a job to support their families in Egypt. This forces the wives of these households to take on full responsibility for maintaining the household and raising the children. This process makes many wives experience resentment toward their husbands. Once their husbands leave, these women are forced to reconstruct and re-conceptualize their previous ideas about the process of marriage and family life.

Heba is a 44 year old Iraqi woman and mother of three children. Her family came to Egypt in 2006 out of fear for their lives. Her husband stayed with them in Egypt for a period, but unable to find work, he went back to Iraq so that he could work and provide the family with financial support. Heba was very emotional during this story. She stated, “Even though my husband left to help provide for the family, I feel abandoned by my husband.” Heba teared up while recounting this story, and stated, “My children need him, especially my young son! He is growing up fast!”

Firas is a 34 year old Iraqi man currently living in Egypt. He passionately revealed his frustrations about the lack of opportunity in Egypt.  “I am trying to integrate with the Egyptian community, but I can’t! I tried to work, buying and selling from them, but I cannot. I’m continuing to try. I have no job. When we first came, my wife had gold. She sold everything. I now receive help from my father-in-law. I need to know that I will be safe and my children have a future. If I could go back and change something, I would not get married. I am not feeling happy. There is no positive thing I can do for my family. They are suffering because of me. This has nothing to do with my wife. I blame myself that I am not giving her a happy life.” Firas’s statements mirrored the feelings expressed by many other Iraqi men we interviewed. Their lack of ability to provide financially for their families is causing these men to question their role and primary function in life.

According to several Iraqi women, displacement has also caused some Iraqi men to engage in erratic behavior and abandon their families. Rana is a 50 year old Iraqi woman living in Nasr City. Rana revealed that when her family was forced to flee to Egypt, her husband’s behavior drastically changed. “He began to sleep with many Egyptian women, and stay out at all times of the night! He eventually stopped coming home altogether. I had to learn from other people in my community that my husband had recently settled down with an Egyptian woman.” Rana revealed that her husband completely neglected her and their teenage son, and they have had no contact with him over the past couple of years. She emphasized during her interview that his behavior was not this irrational in Iraq, and the change was completely unexpected. Rana has been emotionally distressed by the actions of her husband, and he has caused her and her son great stress and hurt. At the end of the interview, a disheartened Rana revealed, “I am just trying to stay strong for my family.”

Conclusion
Displacement has forced Iraqi refugees to reconceptualize and restart their personal and public lives in Egypt, causing numerous issues to arise between Iraqi couples. Previous conflicts that occurred have been magnified. Moreover, displacement has caused some Iraqi men to become more restrictive, as a mechanism to protect their wives and regain a sense of order. The uncertainty of the length of time they will remain in Egypt has caused many disagreements and exacerbated problems. This research provides us with an in-depth analysis of the everyday effects of displacement on this group of people, and it provides us with critical insight to understand how every aspect of their lives are altered as a result of displacement.